


An Endless Sleep

by ActuallyJavert



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Dialogue, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fade Shenanigans, Feelings, Grief/Mourning, Human Cole (Dragon Age), Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus Friendship, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Magic, No one really dies, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Spirit Shenanigans, Spirits, Tags May Change, Team as Family, The Fade, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24367024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActuallyJavert/pseuds/ActuallyJavert
Summary: The Inquisitor is dying. Running through on Eluvian after another, she is reunited with Solas.Her old friend has many answers - and a way to help. Yet, should she refuse, what fate would await her?~She had been so patient then. Even when he had slapped her hands away again and again. Even now, when she had been reaching for his shoulder and saying his name in that accursed way-
Relationships: Female Adaar & Solas (Dragon Age), Female Adaar/Iron Bull, Female Inquisitor & Solas, Female Inquisitor/Iron Bull
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. The End of the Line

“Solas.”

She said his name as she always did. Like an old friend, so dearly missed. His heart ached at the sound, but he continued to stare into the Eluvian, not allowing his feet to move. He did not want to see her. To face her in this moment and see the disappointment – and the hatred, he reminded himself – that would slowly creep into her expression.

He relented after a beat, turning as he heard her slosh through the knee-deep water with that oh-so-familiar strength and pride that always held her shoulders high. As battle-worn as she looked, she still mustered the energy to give him an all-too-bright smile. “Solas-” She had started to say, but as the Anchor sputtered and sparked, her warmth crumpled into pain. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she stumbled, tripping over her feet and falling as she cried out. She tried to hold herself above the water, but as Solas watched the magic spark up the length of her arm she crumbled, submerged.

 _It’s much too strong_ , he thought as he watched her companions run to her side and lift her out of the water.

Most her companions, anyway.

Solas’ eyes locked with Iron Bull’s, and they stare at one another for a long moment, each of them scrutinizing the other. He was wary, Iron Bull. His gaze left Solas’ to stare at the stone Qunari woman, looking at the spear that had never left her grip. Calculating how quickly he’d be able to dispatch Solas. Finally, though, he settled on the woman he threw his life away for as she was pulled from the water by Dorian.

She coughed, trying to catch her breath. If he allowed himself, he could still hear his friend-

 _No, Inquisitor Adaar,_ he chastised himself, eyes closed. _She will not be your friend after this._

If he allowed himself, he could still hear The Inquisitor shrieking over the howl of the Storm Coast, the seeming unending tempest plastering her red hair to her face. The rain soaked into everyone’s clothes and made them heavy, their grip on their weapons slick. He remembered how her hand gripped Iron Bull’s bicep and pulled him to look away from Gatt – from the Ben-Hassrath.

_“Call the retreat! They’re our family, Bull!”_

Our. She had been enraptured with him, even then. It was no surprise to Solas (or anyone) when the decorated halves of the dragon tooth appeared on their person. Hearing the affection in Iron Bull’s voice when he said the word _Kadan_ , however, was.

Solas had not realized he’d been scowling as he thought. He schooled his features back into a neutral as he watched Dorian dutifully detangled pond scum and weeds from her armor and hair. She leaned against him, resting her head ontop of his. Her arm hung limp in her lap.

“Really, my dear,” Dorian said, “You mustn’t stray so far from us.” There was a strain in his voice as he spoke. “What would happen if I wasn’t here? You would drown, surely.”

“You know I always did hate swimming, Dorian.” She laughed, barely able to speak.

They had been close – The Inquisitor and Dorian. Frequently she sought out Dorian when he, Solas, refused to engage in magical banter with her. The familial affection the two showed one another, even now, made his heart ache deepen.

It was Cole who had slunk closest to him. Solas had been surprised that the boy had still managed to creep up undetected. He had only become aware of Cole when he had positioned himself in front of her, as if he could act as a barrier between himself and The Inquisitor. Cole stared at him with an uncomfortable intensity behind his stringy, blonde hair.

Where he and Iron Bull had been analyzing one another, trying to see what information they could glean from the other, Cole stared with an open honesty. There was no question hidden behind his eyes meant only for Solas, no animosity. No fear. Only curiosity.

The boy had been a grave point of contention between himself and Kubie –

 _Kubie. No. The Inquisitor._ He thought, eyes sliding back to her for a moment, _Though that too feels wrong._

Cole had been a grave point of contention between himself and Adaar. When the boy had shared his fears that another mage – Corypheus – could bind him, Solas had suggested an amulet imbued with an enchantment. Varric had foolishly suggested the boy learn some sort of lesson – make him more _human_. It was no secret among the inner circle that she held some sort of parental affection for the boy, but he had still hoped she would not be so foolish in these matters.

When Adaar had agreed with Varric, he felt burned.

It had only worsened when she had chosen to drink from the Temple of Mythal. He remembered the rage he had flown into. Her lack of surprise when he had stormed into her rooms.

 _“Does my counsel mean nothing to you?! Does my knowledge of the fade count for nothing?! Does my– Does– Does my_ friendship-” _Ashamed of the way his voice broke on the word, how his throat tightened, he looked away from her. A hot rush of emotion flooded his face._

_Yet, despite his poor decorum, she had still smiled at him with all the love in the world as she rose from her desk. The same smile she would share with everyone. “Solas.” She reached out to him, holding his face in both of her hands. She always touched people, The Inquisitor. Always trying to touch, trying to comfort. “You are one of my dearest friends. Of course, what you say has value, but you alone do not govern my choices.”_

_“Then help me understand why you do something not just foolish, but dangerous as well.” He begged, pulling her hands from his face._

_“I cannot say why the fade whispers secrets to me.” She said, placating him as she took his chin in hand, and smoothed a finger along his brow, “Only that it does.”_

_“You cannot blame your actions on spirits, Kubie!”_

She had been so patient then. Even when he had slapped her hands away again and again. Even now, when she had been reaching for his shoulder and saying his name in that accursed way-

He strode down the crumbling stones steps easily, arms held tightly behind his back. The power of the Anchor sparked gently, and she grimaced at the pain it brought. It was a death sentence. One that he had never anticipated coming to regret so deeply. Without much effort, he flexed his hand, and the green light of the Anchor that threatened to consume her flared briefly before sputtering into nothing.

“That should give us more time.” He said, finally meeting Kubie’s eyes. “After all of this, I suspect you have questions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rebooting this bad boy because I was rereading it and all I could think was "I can do better" and I also got stuck.
> 
> I've never liked that the Inquisitor is basically forced to lose their arm at the end of Tresspasser. In a game that's all about choices, shouldn't this have been one?  
> I had some ideas about what could happen, so here I am.


	2. The Herald of Andraste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never thought of you like that.” Kubie said, hand twitching as she pulled it behind herself. “As somebody who would do that.”

Tucked away on the hill with the Eluvian, Kubie felt as the smile slipped from her face while she listened to him speak. To Solas, her friend. The man who saved her life as she laid unconscious in a prison cell, unaware of the future that awaited her, while the Anchor threatened to consume her.

The fellow mage who spoke with her on countless topics. Swapping perspectives. Challenging one another’s ideas as they sat at his desk and sipped tea that had long gone cold from their talking.

The friend who struck down a dragon’s flaming breath with icy magic when she had been trapped. The heat of the fire - her only warning as she struggled, with blood-soaked hands, to open a potion – had been snuffed out by a frosty, glacial wall.

Solas, who walked the Fade beside her in dreams. Who listened closely to what the spirits had to share, but always frustrated when they did not freely whisper its secrets to him as it did for her.

She didn’t know what to feel.

He spoke quietly. Unchanged by the time away from Skyhold yet still wholly different. Gaze averted; he calmly retold the entirety of the story. His story.

His plan.

The Orb of Destruction. The Evanuris. The Elves, the Fade. The creation of the Veil. How he had planned for Corypheus to die in the resulting explosion, but the magister had found a means of near immortality. How he, Solas, should have been walking _into_ the Fade to tear down the Veil, but, instead, she had walked _out_ of the Fade to a world where the Divine had been murdered, and _she_ had grabbed the Anchor.

“I never thought of you like that.” Kubie said, hand twitching as she pulled it behind herself. “As somebody who would do that.”

Slowly, Solas lifted his head to meet her gaze, and she smiled, “Thank you.” He whispered, eyes searching hers.

This time it was her turn to look away, “I hadn’t imagined that the stories we were hearing about the Dread Wolf were true.” She strolled to the edge of the cliff, staring across the sky as she absently rubbed her thumb across her palm, “Part of me still can’t quite believe it.”

“I did not lead a rebellion against immortal mage-kings without getting my hands bloody.”

“And I do not lead the Inquisition without sacrifice, Solas.” She looked over her shoulder, a tired smile on her face, “There are few people in this world with that privilege. But you know that isn’t what I meant.”

“You must understand,” He said as she turned back around, “I woke, after a millennium, to a world where the Veil had blocked most conscious connection to the Fade. It was like walking through… through a _world_ of Tranquil.”

She laughed. A short, irritated sound. “I can’t imagine what that was like. How awful it was for you. How terrible it must have been waking to a world of…” She paused, unable to keep the sting of his words from her own voice, “ _us_.”

She felt, more than saw, Solas come to stand beside her. “But, again, you showed me I was wrong. You have shown me that there is value in this world-”

“Yet you still wish to _destroy_ this world, Solas!” It was then Kubie turned, hard, towards him. She watched as he flinched back from her, a small step down the hill, as she loomed over him. His widened eyes staring up at her, watching her movements, “Help me to understand that. You say this world has value and yet you would throw everything aside – your _friends_ aside – for what? To restore a world that _you_ said was destroying itself!”

“You changed everything-”

“ _Vashedan_!” She scoffed, waving away his words with her hands and pushing past him.

“It is the truth. It does not make what I must do any easier.”

She paused then, feet in the water, while his words turned over in her head. “You’ve said that before.”

“Said what?” He asked. Barely registering the tingling sensation that traveled down her arm, she turned to look at him.

“That I changed everything. You said it back at Skyhold.” She moved towards him then, catching how his feet shifted uncomfortably. His refusal to look at her.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

The fade pressed against her ears then. A faint hum slowly breaking through, muted by the spell on her arm. _Liar…_ It whispered to her; _He’s lying…_

“Cole.” She turned again, her back to Solas, “What does he mean?”

The spirit-turned-human shifted. Shrinked back at the sound his name, tucking himself behind Dorian and Bull. “Kubie.” He spoke, fidgeting with his sleeves, “I’m not sure- I don’t think it’ll work. I don’t want-”

“Explain it!” She barked out, heart twisting when she saw him recoil.

“He’s not some thing for you to order around and demand mind-reading of, Kubie!” Dorian snapped back, a protective hand in front of the boy. But, before she could apologize, or take back the order and move on, Cole began to speak.

“It’s… blurry.” He said, staring towards Solas with glassy eyes. “Hard to make out. Harder because I’m… Bits and pieces, shrouded by magic and something… older? Powerful, ancient. Don’t want to think about it. Don’t want them – her – to know. He… it’s blocking me. Keeping me out. I’m sorry Kubie. I can’t–”

“Don’t strain yourself.” Dorian said, voice soft as he slipped his own hand into Cole’s,“Try looking at it a different way.”

“A… different way?” Cole’s eyes cleared slowly, still caught in the haze of trying to listen. “I don’t…”

It was Bull who kneeled, arm over Cole’s shoulder. It was a comedic sight, the hulking form of The Iron Bull squatting next to the lithe and thin frame of Cole. Briefly, Kubie realized how she would have laughed at the sight another time. “C’mon kid. I’m sure there’s somebody else here who will let you in.”

“Somebody… else.” Cole said, still not fully returned to the present, “You mean seeing him through Kubie, but it won’t work. Doesn’t work. Not like that.”

“There are a lot of things about the boss that shouldn’t work, kid.”

“Have you ever tried?” Dorian asked, and when all he got was a shake of the head in return he pressed, “Then how can you know?”

Cole’s brow furrowed as he thought, “I can’t, but… I don’t… I don’t want–”

“Cole.” Kubie said, voice firm, “Please.”

He stared at Kubie; mouth pulled into a tight line as his eyes glazed over again. His hands, which had been in tight fists, relaxed at his sides. Her stomach churned as his expression returned to the familiar far-away look. A familiar presence pushed against her mind.

When she had let him look before, it had never been more than an intruding presence. Another voice falling into the background thrum. This was different.

She felt herself falling endlessly as Cole sifted through her memories, her breath catching in her throat. For a moment, Kubie’s mind felt blissfully silent as something turned its attention to Cole.

 _Here… look here…_ the fade whispered, pushing against him.

Cole flinched. “It’s… hard to hear. They’re so loud. They’ve never been this loud before.”

“Sorry.” Kubie said. Thought she said. She hadn’t stopped falling, but in addition now felt herself being pulled in two different directions.

“You changed everything…” Cole muttered, aloud. Or in her head. She wasn’t sure. “Surprised. Startled. She wasn’t expecting him here. Yet he is. At her desk. Looking over the papers on her desk. She sees the crease between his eyebrows and wants to smooth it away. Always wants to smooth it away. Thinks of the tension in Cassandra’s back as she beats away at a training dummy after a mission. Remembers a hand on Cullen’s shoulder as he fights the Lyrium. Of the look Varric gets when – ‘Ah, Kubie. I wasn’t expecting you so soon.’

“But… it’s… different. He sees that he startled her by speaking. Sadness. Guilt. Didn’t mean to scare her. Didn’t mean to pull her from her thoughts. He was prepared to wait. Should’ve waited. Fool. ‘I was only having a drink with Bull.’ She says. Frustration. Irritation. Doesn’t like hearing that. Why? Why does it bother him? He shifts on his feet, clears his throat. Don’t look at the necklace on her chest. Don’t think about-”

“Stay out of there.” Solas growled from behind. She jerked and stumbled, feeling solid ground under her feet, and then under her ass as she fell. Cole disappeared from her mind, but in the same breath, returned, pushing against her mind.

This time she began to plummet.

“Confusion. Concern. She sees the brow crease further but – ah. She forgot. He doesn’t like discussing the Qunari. Or the Qun. But this is… more than that. Much more. He seems… restless. Lost. Staring at something far beyond him. But what? It’s harder this time. He won’t let me in. Wasn’t expecting this to happen. To work.”

“Cole!” Solas barked.

“You change everything. He says it on the balcony. She’s staring at the mountain. Change everything. There’s… something there. He sees her look back at him, and he can’t hold the gaze. He’s revealed too much, but what? Doesn’t trust himself to speak. Not yet. She’s noticed, but not entirely. There was something in his voice. Something different. Something wrong. What is it? ‘Why won’t he look at me?’ She thinks, when he’s avoided her for too long. Masking. Smothering. Hiding something deep down so she won’t ever see it. Relief. When he looks at her. She didn’t notice. He smiles up at her. His friend. But he didn’t hide it. Not entirely. It’s in his eyes, a flicker of something that she doesn’t fully catch. But they saw it, and because they saw it, I saw it too.” Cole blinked, eyes clearing. “You… changed everything, Kubie.”

She was staring at the sky when she felt herself begin to return to her own body. There was water in her hair and ears, muffling everything. A strange fuzziness filling her whole body. Solas stood above her, but not looking at her. He was tense. As if waiting for a blow that wouldn’t come. “I don’t… I don’t think… I don’t understand, Cole.” She pressed a hand to her forehead, fighting dizziness as she sat up.

It was Dorian’s voice that cut through her haze, “How can you not understand! It’s as plain as day! He’s in love with you!”

On her knees, she looked up at him, “Solas–”

“It would seem so.” Solas rasped, avoiding her eyes.

Her hand twitched in the mud, the energy of the anchor seeping into the ground. Her feet shifting as she worked to stand. The fade buzzed against her ears. _Waking… slowly… but waking…_

“What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing. My feelings for you are inconsequential, an unfortunate side benefit. I would have preferred you never learned of them.”

She felt sparks in her arm now. Sparks that crawled through her veins0 into her spine. Mixing with the buzzing and the dizziness. “And the Anchor?”

“It’s getting worse. I know. Drawing you here-” Without warning, the anchor discharged. With green light crackling up her arm, Kubie cried out. Collapsing to the ground, she gasped and sputtered out water as she pushed back onto her hands and knees. Solas, by her side in an instant, cursed. “Give me your hand, Kubie. Please. Let me help you.”

Kubie stared at his unmarred hand, outstretched and ready to lift her. She thought of the Anchor that would have been there had his plan worked. As the fade roared in her ears, shouting for her, she reached out and clasped his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but it's SO SILLY that Solas only falls in love with Elven Inquisitors. He falls in love with all inquisitors now!! His heart can't take how powerful and influential the Inquisitor is.


	3. To Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You say it as if it means nothing.” He answered, equally soft. “As if painful echoes will not be felt through the whole world with your absence.”
> 
> “Do you feel guilty?”

It happened slowly. With Solas’ hand gripped tightly around her arm, pulling her up. The water dripping from her armor as she pushed out of the muck to unfold to full height. It was in the silence of these actions that she whispered, “I can’t let you do this.” and pulled him down. In one motion she pinned him under her boot and pulled her staff from the straps on her back, aiming it towards his throat. Hand on her ankle, he spat water and stared up at her in bewilderment at his sudden position. The watched one another then, simply staring. He waited for a moment to move while she waited for a reason to strike.

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Kubie said at last, breaking the silence, hand never wavering, “After everything we’ve been through the least you can do is be honest with me.”

She felt as his hand squeezed her ankle reflexively.

“Why did you lead me here, Solas? You helped engineer our discovery of the Qunari plot. Surely you had the resources to deal with the issue yourself. For all your acting as the humble apostate… you are anything but.”

At this, he smiled, a small, bitter thing. Head tipping back, he stared off into the sky, eyes searching for something Kubie knew she couldn’t see. “I suppose, then,” He started, after another poignant pause, “it would be foolish to lie and say that none of my reasoning for bringing you here was selfish.”

“It would be.” She smiled, unable to resist, “Whatever reasoning Fen’Harel may have had… _Solas_ knew the consequences of the Anchor.” His lips pressed into a thin line as, again, silence washed over them. “I’m dying.” She murmured.

For a moment, the tension melted away from them at her words. She felt the grip on her ankle slacken, saw his shoulders relax minutely. As if at her omission of the inevitable – the acknowledgement of it – somehow made it easier.

_I’m dying._

“You say it as if it means nothing.” He answered, equally soft. “As if painful echoes will not be felt through the whole world with your absence.”

“Do you feel guilty?”

“My thoughts have…” He paused, pushing her foot away, but making no move to sit up. “I have frequently speculated of where we would be now. Had things turned out different, of course.”

“Even though it would be far easier to let me die… you still want to save me.” She turned away then, staff dropping to her side as she stared at the Eluvian with a pitiful smile on her face. “I’m sorry, Solas. What a cruel joke that must be for you.”

As she turned, Solas stood, “You aren’t my _enemy_ Kubie.”

“Am I not?” She cast an amused look over her shoulder, “Was it not you, moments ago, who stood here and spoke of a plan to tear down this world?” She studied her hand, flexed it, and felt the power itching under her skin, “Is this not the Anchor with which you would restore the elves? We may not want it, Solas, but we _are_ enemies. For as long as _you_ seek to end _my_ world.” Chest tight, she kept her gaze on the glowing magic of the Eluvian. “If this Anchor was going to be used to tear down the Veil, then I will use it to stop you.”

“You would hasten to your own _death-”_

She turned on him then. Pinned him in place with her gaze. “As opposed to what, Solas? Fighting tooth and nail to live? When all of that energy I would use to try and live could be put into _stopping you_ -”

“I won’t let you kill yourself!”

“I know.”

She stared at him, unable to help the smile that fought its way onto her lips. She grabbed Solas by his arm, hauling him with her strength closer to the Eluvian. He stumbled at the force movement, barely catching himself as he turned to look at her. “Get out of here Solas.”

Grunting, she grabbed her bicep as green electricity trailed up her arm, falsely hoping that pressure would help alleviate the shocks of pain. She felt Solas’ eyes on her as she did. “I suppose this is goodbye then.” Solas whispered, half turned towards his exit.

“I suppose it is.”

As he moved towards the portal, she trailed after him and paused only when Solas had reached it. Before leaving, her turned to her again, and Kubie held his calculating gaze.

“You were… my greatest friend.” He said at last, holding out a hand to her. “And I suspect my greatest enemy.” The fade pressed against her mind. It hissed a warning as she reached out her hand in return. “Goodbye, Inquistior.” Ignoring their whispers, she gripped his hand firmly, nodding.

Upon her initial entrance, and subsequent viewing of Solas’ exchange with Viddasala, the Qunari leader’s transformation into a stone statue had seemed instantaneous. But this was slow. Again, she thought, it happened slowly. Starting in her core, a deep ice settled and snaked its way further around her body to take hold of her lungs. Breath stuttering, she watched Solas turn from her, not even bothering to conceal the white-hot glow of his eyes.

When her lungs froze, the magic moved faster. It latched onto her spine, inching it’s way up and down her back. She felt as her legs, unwillingly, began to stiffen. Felt how her arms began to resist her movements.

In panic, she reached for the Anchor’s magic, her hand clamping hard around Solas’. She thought it had been a kindness when he had dampened the noise – and the pain – of the Anchor. Allowing her a brief respite from inevitable discharge she would have to invoke. Yet, while his spell had silenced it, it had not prevented the magic from building.

Without a word, Kubie exploded.

Solas crumbled under the magic as it tore through him, catching himself on Kubie’s arm with an unearthly scream as the white-hot glow flickered and died. Ice and stone shook itself free from her body. The unfinished spell dissipated into harmless wisps of mana.

Through gritted teeth, she sucked in a lungful of air and hauled her friend to his feet. “I may die, Solas.” She grunted out, “But I will _not_ disappear.” Crackling across her body, the Anchor’s magic sparked in uncontrolled surges. “I will always haunt you.”

A promise.

With a hand on his chest plate, Kubie pushed Solas back with little more than a nudge. Stunned from the wave of magic, the action sent him stumbling backwards.

He caught himself on the frame, eyes slowly starting to focus on her face. With one hand, she gripped the frame of the Eluvian. With the other, two fingers pressed him back, and Kubie watched as he slipped away.

Silently, Solas disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever just listen to The Tenors cover of Who Wants to Live Forever on repeat for hours and enter the Vibe Zone? Because that's what I did while writing this.
> 
> Also I'm on twitter, @kaekale if u wanna come over and say hello
> 
> Anyway I've officially diverted from the original script with my reboot so, woo!


	4. Awake and Aching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes. Sort of. I can hear her, but it’s… fuzzy. Muffled. She’s tired. So tired. Want to lay down, want to sleep, to never have to open my eyes again-”
> 
> “Hey.” Bull whispered. Pained and gentle. “Don’t get lost in there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the new rating/tag changes!  
> There is talk of the Inquisitor dying in this chapter, and I felt that since this will be an ever looming presence, and we'll be seeing the effect of this on everyone, that the previous rating just wasn't appropriate for such a heavy topic.

When Kubie woke, a deep ache had settled in her chest. Heavy as stone. Warmth and softness surrounded her. Barely clinging to consciousness, eyelids fluttering as she tried to open them, er body strained, arching, as she moved to sit up. A weak gurgle pushed past her lips and she collapsed, exhausted, when she saw the familiar layout of her lavish room in The Winter Palace. Eyes closed, body lax, her head rolled to the side.

It was in the rasp of her breathing, brought on from her exertion, that she noticed the silence in the room. Before, there had been the soft rumble of conversation around her. Now, as she listened, she heard only the subtle shift of bodies. A warm, fuzzy energy laid over her consciousness, bringing with it an all-too familiar probing presence. _He’s trying to find you…_ the spirits whispered, far away even in her mind, _The spirit-boy… Cole…_

The hand on her forehead startled her, arms twitching, “Her fever’s gone.” A low voice – Dorian – murmured before fussing over the blankets, adjusting them incrementally over Kubie.

“Funny.” The voice of Cassandra said, an unfamiliar exhaustion in her voice, “The necromancer _not_ wanting something dead for once.”

“Yes. Well.” Dorian said, and Kubie felt as he smoothed down the blankets in his walk to the foot of the bed, “Stranger things have happened.”

“Maybe we should keep it down.” Varric said, somewhere away from the bed. “Don’t want to disturb her if we can.”

Bodies shuffled uncomfortably. The shift of weight and groaning furniture barely broke through the fog of Kubie’s mind. Into the silence, Cassandra spoke in a softer tone. “Thank you, Dorian.” She said, “I know this was a test of your magic. Vivienne as well.”

“Not like we have any other options.” Varric sighed, “Half of Thedas would see the Inquisition gone, and from what they told us, Solas has the means to slip a knife into Kubie any time he wants.”

“Oooh. So serious. Varric isn’t even using his cutesy nicknames.” A voice giggled at the same time Kubie felt a dip in the bed. She could only assume it was Sera who brushed the hair from her face, arranging it in some manner around her head.

“This isn’t a joke.”

“I never said it was, but the mood in here is so gloomy. She didn’t _die_. Yeah, it was real bad for a minute there, but she’s _alive._ And making sounds, sort of.” Sera’s hands stilled in Kubie’s hair, a blip in conversation before she struck up again with a new-found severity, “How I see it, we’re more than capable of handling whatever that egghead has got to throw at us. We took Coryphesnuff down with barely a smack of stick, and that guy had basically figured out how to _not die_.”

“Cassandra,” Varric again, exasperated, “Maybe you can talk some sense into her.”

“As much as I hate to admit it,” The Seeker started, “Sera is right. For the time being, we are all more than capable of protecting the Inquisitor from would-be assassins while she recovers.”

“Ha!” Sera said, followed by the familiar _nyeh_ sound,

“Doesn’t matter if she’s right.” Iron Bull said, and Kubie twitched again, seeking him, “Solas is something else. Bigger than whatever Corypheus was. Turned the Viddasala to stone before her spear left her hand. I can take out an assassin, two on a good day-” He sighed, whatever he sat on creaking as he shifted, “But I can’t do shit about stone.”

“That’s funny.” Cole murmured beside her ear. Again, the conversation paused.

Varric spoke then, voice holding a deadly softness, “What’s funny, kid?”

“What The Iron Bull said.” He answered, “She thought it was funny. You can at least handle three.”

“She can hear us?” Cassandra this time, footsteps caring her closer to the bed.

“Yes. Sort of. I can hear her, but it’s… fuzzy. Muffled. She’s tired. So tired. Want to lay down, want to sleep, to never have to open my eyes again-”

“Hey.” Bull whispered. Pained and gentle. “Don’t get lost in there.”

“Sorry.” The spirits clamored around in Kubie’s mind, pulling at the fading presence of Cole. “It’s… hard. They all want me to stay.”

“Spirits.” Sera grunts, “Trust those things in her head to be keeping her under.”

“They might be the only reason she’s alive.” Dorian said, another weight dropping onto the bed by her feet, “My specialty isn’t _exactly_ the living.”

“Thank the Maker then.” Cassandra said, “Or whatever other power that could have compelled her to drink at the temple.”

Silence blanketed the room, and in it, amidst the shuffling of feet and quiet sighs, Kubie slipped back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

She couldn’t say how long it had been when she woke again, a painful ache shooting through her limbs and throwing her into consciousness. A groan pushed past her lips as her head lulled to the side and her eyes fluttered open to the soft glow of candlelight.

Gazing around, she found Cullen and Blackwall at the entrance of the room, – long having slid to the floor – with blades in hand. The latter leaned heavy, fast asleep, on the former while Cullen’s head bobbed as he struggled to fight exhaustion. Kubie smiled, heaving a sigh, as finally he, too, was dragged down into dreams. His soldier-like discipline finally giving out.

She looked to the foot of her bed next, amused by the sight of Dorian and Cassandra curled against one another. Her chest warmed at the sight of Cassandra with a blanket thrown over her shoulders and resting her head against his thigh while Dorian, one arm across Cassandra, sat against the armoire, head tipped back and mouth falling open.

Varric, seated at the table, has his feet up and head down. Across from him was Vivienne who, even in sleep, manages an air of grace and elegance with hands folded in her lap and her head laid across her shoulder.

Sera was nowhere to be found, alongside Leliana and Josephine. _No doubt,_ Kubie thought as she laid her head flat and stared up at the stone ceiling, _dealing with nosy nobles in one way or another._ She huffed a laugh, ribs aching, as she thought of the many ways Sera would handle prying eyes.

She blinked when a hand squeezed hers, and she turned her head to find glassy, pale eyes staring back at her. “Sorry.” Cole murmured, still half asleep as he pulled his hand away, “I couldn’t hear you.”

Kubie closed her eyes, her voice little more than a rasp as she whispered, “Hard to have a conversation when you’re asleep.”

“How are you feeling?” He sat up, rubbing at his eyes with the meat of his hand.

“Mortal.” She huffed a sigh. Even speaking was exhausting. “It aches.”

“Your chest?”

“Mm.”

The conversation lulled then, Kubie too exhausted to keep going. She laid still in her bed, breathing harsh and ragged, as she fought to stay awake in the silence.

Finally, Cole whispered, sitting with crossed legs, “It reminds you of the Vinsomer at Storm Coast. It feels the same – but different. Worse maybe.” And then, “Dorian had to shock you. You stopped breathing.”

“I stopped breathing?”

“You don’t remember.” A faint shake of her head is all she can muster, finally giving into her heavy eyes and letting them fall close.

“What I do remember is hazy. More feelings than actual memory.” She covered her eyes, blurry images flashing in the darkness behind her lids.

“It was so bright.” Cole said, eyes fixed on her face, searching, “You were so angry. Are, still.”

“Angry enough that you shattered a magic door like it was nothing more than glass.” Bull murmured, from his too-small chair, in a voice that was soft and unconcerned. Dangerous, Kubie thought, as she finally met his eyes. “Do you remember that?”

They stared, silently, pinning the other in their place. Bull’s eyes shimmered with barely restrained emotion.

She took pity on him. “No.” She breathed, just as soft. “I don’t.”

“Cole.” Bull said, eyes not leaving hers. Kubie gave a nod, understanding him.

“I’ll help everyone back to their rooms.” The boy said, weight of the bed shifting as he moved away from it.

One by one, Cole woke the others around the room. A dull, tired conversation struck up as he dissuaded concerned, soothed fear, and calmed the over-exhausted companions. Kubie stilled in her bed, eyes closed as she feigned sleep. Slowly, the bustle of the room died as Cole guided them all from the room. When the door closed with a solemn _thunk_ , Kubie opened her eyes to find Bull’s gaze had never strayed from her.

They stared at one another. Silent. Tense.

It was Kubie, pitying again, who spoke up, “Help me sit up.” She said, pushing her hands weakly against the mattress in a poor attempt to adjust, “I can see you have things you want to say to me, and you should be able to have a conversation with more than just a lump on a bed.”

“I think ‘lump’ is being generous.” He joked, half-hearted, as he pushed himself from the chair which gave a pained groan.

“And what am I then. If lump is too generous.”

“Shit, if I’m being honest. You look like a pile of shit.” He stopped at the edge of the bed, a ghost of a smile in his expression.

“Tell me, Bull, have you always been such a charmer?” She rubbed at her eyes, wheezing a laugh, “I don’t recall you ever saying anything half as wonderful as that to finally get me into bed with you.”

“Must have been on hell of a shock because I think it was you trying to get into bed with me.” A weak chuckle followed his word, and the tension seemed to melt slightly in the silence as they once again left each other staring. Then, slowly, Bull’s expression fell minutely, and the gloom returned harder than before as he whispered, “I can’t do this.” He rubbed a hand over his face and took a shaking breath, “Don’t make me pretend that everything is alright, boss.”

Her heart ached at the old term, and she struggled against the sheets again, trying to sit up, “Then don’t. Help me sit up, please. Laying down like this…”

“Hard to stay awake.” He fixed his gaze on the stretch of fabric by her hand, mouth a hard line, as he brought his hand to rest on his shoulder.

“Almost impossible.” When Bull made no attempted to move, she added, “I won’t break Bull. You can touch me.”

“You have no idea what you looked like.” He whispered, squeezing at his shoulder, “You were so still on the ground. And small. You looked weak.”

“Breakable.”

“Yeah.”

Reaching out, she took his free hand in both of her own, tugging him further up the bed and bringing his hand to her face. “What happened Bull?” She asked, pressing her cheek into the warm skin of his palm. The buzzing of the spirits in her head reached for her, pressing closer, growing louder. Brow furrowed, she tried to ignore them as she focused on Bull’s face.

“I don’t know. You let Solas go, and we thought that was it, and the next thing we saw-”

_Angry. She was so angry._

_Watching, in silence, as Solas disappeared into the swirling light of the Eluvian, a simmering rage came to boil in her core._

_Behind her, she heard the rustling and movement as her companions prepared to leave. To make their way back to The Winter Palace, but she couldn’t move. She wanted to yell. Wanted Solas to have put up a fight._

_To do something that would help alleviate this sudden anger sitting heavy in her chest._

_She looked down at her staff, mind racing and yet still too slow. She moved, gripping the staff at both ends as if too break it, when she stopped and raised her head to the Eluvian._

_No. She would not break her staff._

_With a graceless toss, her staff fell, forgotten, to the ground as she reached out to grip the gilded edges of the portal. The spirits clamored in her mind, racing to the edges of her consciousness, laying over her mind in a protective cloud. Dulling her senses._

_The world became muted. Hazy._

_The Anchor pulsed, green cracks breaking out along the swirling surface._

_She breathed. A yell – hers?_

_Another pulse. The Eluvian crumbling beneath her fingers. And then_

_Nothing_

Kubie’s eyes fluttered, her head limp in Bull’s hands. A heavy sweat had broken out across her body as her chest heaved for breath. She felt as Bull thumbed away the tears that trickled fast down her face, felt as her nails dug into his wrists.

“I’m sorry.” She rasped, letting her eyes stay closed. “I’m sorry. I don’t- I don’t know what happened.” The Anchor pulsed with a painful ache, and her arm dropped heavy to the bed. “The spirits must have – they must have – they showed me. I’m sorry.”

“Touch me, she says. I won’t break.” He huffs, voice tight as he sits heavy on the edge of the bed, hands still cradling her head. “How much longer are you going to scare me, Kubie?”

“I don’t know.” She whispered as one hand trailed down her neck, thick fingers finding a racing pulse. “I don’t know.” He eased her back against the pillows, the hand on her neck slipping down to rest heavy on her waist while the other stayed curled in her hair. “I broke an Eluvian.”

“And almost died for it.”

Silence followed at the mention of the inevitable. Death. The ever-present specter that loomed over the Inquisitor. Neither one would acknowledge the painful truth. How Kubie had pushed away, and made an enemy of, the one man who was her salvation.

The Inquisitor was dying, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

“I should let you go.” She whispered, reaching up to touch the necklace that sat heavy on her chest. “You shouldn’t be chained to something already lost.”

“Don’t say that.” He whispered, his hand now moving up to curl possessively over her hand, “This isn’t… Katoh… isn’t what I want.”

“After all that’s just happened?”

“If I was a weaker man I might have said Katoh.”

“Might?”

“Hard to say. I’m not a weaker man.” His tongue darted out, wetting his lips as he took a shuddering breath. “You are my life. And when you-” He stopped, air leaving in a rush. “I will always wear this necklace. So that even when we are worlds away, I will always know you are with me.”

“And here I thought it was a belt for you.” She whispered, the ghost of a laugh making her voice shake as he thumbed away the tears. She reached for the dragons tooth, tied to his belt, and tugged as he leaned forward, catching her lips in a kiss. Hand braced against the blankets; he pressed her deeper into the plushness of the bed. “I’m not going anywhere Bull.” She said when they part, one hand planted firmly over his heart.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Kadan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just have to smash an ancient elven portal! Consequences be damned!
> 
> Thank you all for your patience, and I'm sorry it took so long to get here. I hit a major creative wall a few months ago, and I've been slowly picking away at that wall.  
> Very. Slowly.  
> But I got here, and that's what matters, right?


End file.
